with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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