Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
