My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
