Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
