I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
