Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
high people should be assigned attendants
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
