May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
