i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
