Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
