Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I have tasted many bathrooms
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
