I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize