No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
