I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Randomize
