I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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