you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
