Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
