even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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