best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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