What did we do last night that was yellow?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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