he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
