You can't special order awesome
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Randomize
