look no pants
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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