Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I wear drunk well.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
