The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
