watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
