you guys were way drunker than both of me
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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