i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
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