This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize