Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
