I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
