But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
