im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
