I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
