just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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