Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
