nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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