I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
