I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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