We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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