So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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