I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
