I just saw a hot homeless man
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Randomize
