"it" just moved
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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