don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize