there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
