I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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