Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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