your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
