end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
