I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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