I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I think my moral compass just broke
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
