and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
