I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
