I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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