Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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