I wanna passion pit in your ass
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
