I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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