i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
