I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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