Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
