my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
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