My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
