I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
If I die, sorry about rent.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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