i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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