Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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