im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
