i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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