I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize