True but thats because hes a fetus.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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