In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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