Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
