the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
