We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
