All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
