I can tuck mytits in my pants
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
