I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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