dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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