Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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