Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Randomize