In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
