BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
