I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
