just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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